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Max here with a quick check in……

How have things been? Still slow coming but today’s mentality has been relatively good.  What have I been up to lately? Some things are pretty redundant at this point, however, I know that something good is on the horizon. Slowly I am starting to remember that every bad event or every bad chain of events is eventually followed with at least one good event. And that most of all it is my optimism that will somehow be the invisible guide that will rope me in and pull me to the top of the mountain.

I’m still trying to get apartment #01 finished. What I really need to learn to do is to understand how to think and act when finding and interacting with contractors/workers. The majority of people that I have help me are sadly not self motivated to get the project/projects completed. Somehow this is not their fault. This is strictly my fault. I must find a way to become the person that knows how to find the diamond in the ruff. I must learn how to inspire and motivate. I’m torn between thinking/believing that I need to bug people until they get the job done. Either that or bug them until they just block my number.  I just haven’t yet learned if this is something that I should do on a regular basis, once in a while, or just not something that I should do at all. I’m sure their are other factors like wage amount, where is the best place to find hired help,  and their ability to be self motivated for the job that they are hired to do. This is just major work in progress.

I’ve still been trying to understand how to meditate and how to use it to my benefit in life, love, and finances. It’s just kinda elusive right now. So many virtual mentors that I listen to seem to use meditation in some form to propel their life to the next level and or to stay at peak levels.

In my mind, I am starting to believe that if I am going to create from within the outward life that I desire, then I must learn how to be happy. Everything from financially rich people that are happy, to successful people that are happy, to Mother Teresa and Gandhi, and even in the bible , it and they all say that in order to reach the best from every thing you want in life that one MUST be happy for what they currently have. But that just seems like a bunch of malarkey, just bullshit and a serious fucking pipe dream. (or at least that’s how I used to think) But still for the masses….how many of us have truly learned to be happy with what we currently have and not expect or want anymore from life. And more so, if we are “happy” with what we currently have then why would we need anything more from life. At least that’s what the current model is that I have been programmed to believe. What I am now trying to do, is to uninstall that model and imprint a new model. A model that says that what I have is perfect for that current moment. That my possessions, my breathe, my life, and my surroundings are perfect for me now. But not perfect in the sense that I do not need to grow. But instead that thru what I have will come to fruition the greatest desires that burn deep inside of and within me.

I’m just not sure of how to explain how I am trying to connect the dots. For me the vision of how to connect them comes in spurts. It’s like being in a complicated maze and someone is turning on and off the light while I’m trying to find my way thru this damn maze that we call life. But slowly I can see that I am trying to get it all connected. Maybe the most important thing is that I am now able or at least starting to see myself from the outside looking in. But remember, I can only see this happening in spurts. (I hope that makes sense). As I listen more (and I mean massively redundantly listening to videos of Joe Dispenza and like minded virtual mentors) and also multiple listens to different books on leadership, networking, personal development and all aspects in between, I can see that somehow thru my constant persistence to self betterment that I not only MUST, but more so that, I WILL break thru to the other side and into my dreams. Everything I read says that I MUST be able to envision it from the interior of my brain. That unknown hidden place that holds no space in my physical body but yet somehow sits between my ears, and yet it is also located somehow beyond time and space. But sadly, currently it’s just not happening the way I want or at the speed that I want. At least not yet. But this too will change and will get massively better.

But what is happening is the “happiness”. You know, the good stuff…. less anger, and less frustration”. You know, basically less negativity coming/happening from within. It’s like things are a little brighter. A little easier to handle. Maybe it’s the “fake it till you make it” idea. Idk. who knows? But something is working. But man, it IS work. I just can’t stress that enough. And I gotta be extra fucking clear……It’s just straight mental work!!  THIS IS NOT EASY TO DO. Currently it is taking constant mental reminders, constant repetitive videos, constant internal self discipline, Constant practice. Just constant everything! But if all the virtual mentors are right, then this is how the payoff begins. Because if it is true that negativity likes negativity. And if like minds attract like minds, then the more that I can be happy from within, then the more that I will somehow draw in and be surrounded by like minded people that want and attain the best things from and out of life. The kind that want many, or at least what will feel like want “everything” that I want in life. WOW….This is a scary thought for me. It’s not scary to write or read, but instead it is scary because to virtually be “happy” for at least 70% of the time is literally unknown for me and quite possibly for most people. It is such a weird thing to want an end result but walk the unknown to get there. Again, it’s easy to write and read, but to program your self to actually “BE Change” is just weird. But slowly….and hopefully sooner than later change will be my best friend and the core of what makes me the best in what I am currently trying to attain. Adaptation… The name of the game.

So most of my point for today is that in spite of things not happening the way I want, I have let it go…. tried to not get too attached, didn’t care, said fuck it, or even just didn’t expect much and instead thought to myself, that it’s not about getting things accomplished but instead it’s about batting until I hit something. The constant swinging until something sticks to the wall. And from that perspective, that simple perspective, I was able to retain better happiness throughout the day. So much that when someone asked me “Max, how are you doing today?” I was able to respond “I’m doing good”. Now what was so weird about that response, and I caught myself saying it and feeling it, was that when I responded “I’m doing good”, I actually meant it. Most of the time, I just passively say “I’m doing good” because it is the right thing to do. But this time internally, from within, I meant it. Thumbs up!

Today 2 things happened that were out of the blue… or should I say…. unexpected. The first is that I got a speeding ticket. Oddly enough within the last 2 weeks I could almost feel it coming on, but couldn’t place my finger on it. Either way, whether I could feel it coming on or not, I must believe that I just wasn’t paying enough attention to my surroundings. Now oddly enough, when I think about it, I’ve been noticing more police on the road lately. (They have their times when they push to get more tickets. Guess even they have to meet a quota). But yeah…. So I got a speeding ticket and when I pulled over and stopped the car I didn’t get upset. I wasn’t happy that’s for sure, but I didn’t get upset. Instead I turned down the radio, reached for my wallet and pulled out my ID and held it out my window while the cop was walking up to my window. In the past I would get internally irate. And it would bug me for days. Every time I would look at a ticket I would just relive the moment. Boy that is just super bad to do. But this time, when he gave me the ticket, one of the things that I thought was….”You know Max, the last time you got a ticket you got it dismissed.” this gave me the optimism and I used it as one of the tools to work thru that moment. Now it doesn’t mean that I will get this ticket dismissed, but it does mean that I am learning optimism. And that any current moment does not define how I feel, or who I am, but instead I can define the moment. I can shape how I feel by how I define any situation that my mind creates. And somehow, (and I’m not sure if this is yet totally 100% true), but somehow, I can’t just help to think that if you are optimistic enough then somehow you will find a way to warp your surroundings to treat you in the manner or form that you choose….. We shall see.

So the second unexpected thing was that I went to get a chair massage, it wasn’t on my list of things to do today. (although it has been on my long list) But while I was in the area I decided to stop in and see what could happen, remember I wasn’t expecting much. A couple of weeks ago I called the massage school to try and get a chair massage but they told me that they didn’t have anyone for the day I wanted. But somehow, this time…. I went in just to ask without any expectations, and guess what…. I got my chair massage. So much to the point that it was actually pretty good. Not the best, but good enough that on the last few minutes of the massage I could feel myself mentally space out. I guess that’s the inner me disconnecting from the physical me. A great massage can do that. And for me to unknowingly not have to meditate to reach that so called “zen state” is awesome. So yeah, the massage was good.  Needless to say I will be going back. I asked the massage person what days she is there and it looks like I will try to go back Wednesday and see if I can get another chair massage. Side note: I totally did not expect a woman to give me a chair massage, most of the time it’s just difficult for a woman to put enough pressure to loosen the knotted muscles.

From the way I stress I can feel a painful tension between my left shoulder blade and my spine. Many factors are causing this, from things like doing a lot of riding a motorcycle, not exercising, and not stretching, but I can’t help to believe/feel that it is just the amount of stress that I allow myself to believe in that is causing this issue. So much that the tightening of the muscle is causing me to make my neck go out of alignment. Totally not fun or enjoyable. But no worries, this will be fixed. That’s for sure.

But so yeah, today, could easily be looked at as negative, but internally the positive is that I found internal happiness in a world of negativity.

May I always harness this power.

Max.