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Today is Tuesday July 24 2018.

And this will be short…..

Tony Robbins once said…..”People are rewarded in public for what they practice for years in private”

Max here, and boy is that quote so ever true. As I said I’ll make this short.

Today has been a great day. Not because of what physically happened, but instead because of what I was able to mentally do…..

Joe Dispenza… Is someone I am spending some virtual time with and what I’ve learned is this….when it comes to “creating” your life, the one thing that anyone must do is first learn to internally want to change. And before any physical change ever happens (And this is deeply important to understand/get/visualize etc.) before any physical change can happen that resembles the life that you say you want, the very first change that MUST happen is in your mind. Because the truth is this. What you see mentally is then what is possible physically. All you have to do is find the way (attach yourself to persistence) to what you see. But first, before anything else, and I mean anything else, you MUST SEE it mentally. A simple way to put it is like this… So I was once reading quotes to give me motivation. And I remember reading a quote that says “Build your dreams or someone will pay you to build theirs”. With words like that you can easily imagine the 9 to 5 job while the senior management and or BOSS gets the majority of the benefit from your labor and you do all or the majority of the grunt of the work. But what your not seeing is that with that same quote..”Build your dreams or someone will pay you to build theirs” is that it is also saying…… If you can see your dreams, mentally see your dreams, then your mind will emotionally feel your dreams. So much that your mind and body will search for a way to bring it to reality. “Build your dreams or someone will pay you to build theirs” Either way you look at it someone is doing the mental creation while the other person is doing the physical labor. The last thing you want to do in your life is to be the one that is only doing the physical labor portion of that quote. I’ll give you another example… A 105lb woman lifts a car to save her child. How did she do this. She believed so much that she WILL save her child that her body followed what her mind told her to do. The body will not do what the mind cannot see. And in that same sentence what is counter real to that sentence is this. The body will always be able to and find a way to do what the mind can see.

But the truth is also this, if you don’t actively, and I mean every damn fucking day, work on mentally creating your dream then you will end up with whatever those around you want for you. Which probably won’t be much. Some of my high school friends are a testament to that.

So for me, the last couple of days, I have decided to try and change where I eat. I currently live on the poor side of town and so my healthy choices are bleak. I mean fudging zero bleak!! My choices are Mexican food, or more Mexican food, or fast food, then there is more fast food and then more Mexican food. Oh and one Subway. But that just doesn’t really count and their lettuce is so 1980s. But anyway, so I decided that it was time for me to find the most inexpensive healthiest restaurant in the rich side of town. And in San Antonio, and for me, and at least that which would be the closest to me would be HEB Central Market. It’s an upscale (for San Antonio) Grocery store kinda like Whole Foods. And it’s located obviously where people of that candor would buy from them. So again, I decided to make the trip to eat there. Do I love eating there??? The food, yes. Way better choices than fast food and low range Mexican food. But do I enjoy being there? Not quite yet. That place is not a restaurant and so kinda of a serve yourself thing. But anywho… my point…..I have mentally been telling myself that I needed to make the jump on eating there more often and for the last couple of days I have been able to have a different environment that is more in alignment with the economic scale that I am wanting to have in my life.

Then the big part…. Joe Dispenza, and other virtual mentors….. At least 99.9% of them say that what you do before you sleep is pivotal to how you shape the following day. And when it comes to happiness, well……who the fuck doesn’t want to be happy? other than maybe the one or two friends or colleagues that you have that seem to enjoy reveling in pain and horrible days and horrible stories and horrible moments of their lives and others. But I would bet to say that even them, those people that just can’t seem to get out of negativity, that if they could just find a way to be happy, that they would. So what almost all of these people say (the virtual mentors) say about happiness is that it comes from within. That it does not come from anywhere outside. It doesn’t come from money, people, or any inanimate objects, but instead it comes from actually being thankful for any god damn thing that you can find in your day. And I mean ANY god damn thing that you can find in your day. And I must say at times, that is really just uber difficult. But as I said in my previous post, with practice it becomes easier. And a side note: If you are thinking that an internal radiant happiness comes from some exterior object or person then what you are really saying is that your ego is needing to be fed. Fed to the point that what is really going on is that your ego is like a 5 year old untrained child at the grocery store. And it will throw a tantrum until you give it what it wants. And the difference between internal radiant happiness and ego happiness is that internal radiant happiness is giving gratitude for any and every thing given to it. Even the bad moments. while ego happiness on the other hand cannot be happy until it is fed. It’s just deep.

Now how am I finding it, this elusive so called happiness, One of the things that I am doing now a days besides my journals is that now a days I am trying to focus more on making sure that I get some “real” form of meditation. The kind where I  can feel (and this is the kind of feel where to me I feel like I am doing it) where I can feel myself thinking in a different space. Where I can for at least a brief moment in time say to myself.. I am no longer just laying in bed with my eyes closed. Instead I am seeing (and seeing is a bad word) Until what I can do is to somehow feel myself looking outside of myself. Hopefully that makes sense. And when I can feel that feeling. that mental movement, that feeling of this is not normal for me, that’s when I know that I am controlling my own thoughts. And if I can learn to, on a daily basis, control my thoughts, then that’s when I can more easily learn to create the surroundings  and the true life that I desire. And for me the desire is to have all my dreams come true and still be happy while getting there and to be happy while I’m there.

I secretly wonder is this route of creating happiness while trying to create my dreams will make the journey take longer to get to my dreams, but what I must do is try to understand that what I am feeling from that thought/emotion is quite possibly fear of not getting to my dreams in time (in the amount of time that is the quickest for me to enjoy the dreams) Remember I’m inching ever closer to 50. The last thing I want to do is to be 90 years old and try to finally swim with a 200 year old turtle only to learn that I am too old to go deep enough with the turtle to enjoy the beauty of it in it’s natural habitat. And such that I will only be allowed to watch the turtle from afar. This cannot and will not happen.

But I digress, I will end with this…. Today, not very fruitful. But the happiness level was still a 6.5 to 7. Maybe it’s from the healthier food that I ate at  HEB? Who knows. And yes there is more to write but it’s now well past midnight and I still have to shower and get ready for bed.

Until next time…

Max out.

(Envision a mic drop when reading “Until next time…..”