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Happiness is not a train station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

—Margaret Lee Runbeck—

On your quest to make your own millions….. idk, maybe it’s millions of dollars, millions of laughs, millions of amazing moments or whatever your millions looks like…….You will obviously encounter that dude named “failure” and his sister called “setbacks”, and they will trip you, lie to you, and make you feel unable to get back up and feel as if moving forward is unattainable. And you will undoubtedly look somewhere for guidance, for belief, and for this thing called resilience. And among all the things needed to keep moving forward, one of the most important things is the understanding of happiness. So many of us, including myself keep trying to “find” happiness on my journey to my millions, as if its something that we lost, or maybe its something that is supposed to be given to us along the way. And I am at a point where I am finally starting to connect the dots that happiness is what life is…. like what water or the sun is to a plant, they all work together in something called positive creation. And without the water or the sun, the plant is unable to create. Happiness is what I now call  “positive creation” and “positive creation” are things like baking, making love, running, laughing, watching a great movie. “Positive creation” is the core of what humans do and I am finally understanding or rather I am seeing that happiness is only another way to express the act of positively creating.

Let’s begin…

Stardate: August 2nd 2024

Time: 11:04pm

Place: the club in the ATX

Song Playing: Starstruck by Lady Gaga Feat Space Cowboy & Flo Rida

So today is Friday night at work, and my mood is oddly descent. Why choose the words “oddly descent”, well, here at work, I don’t feel safe. Here at work I am literally almost ALWAYS on edge, on pins and needles, on point with always having to watch my back. Work is not a safe place, work is not a place where I have true friends. Instead I have people that I work with. Have I ever had friends here at work…. as in “work friends”? The answer is yes, but they a.re gone and only I am left. and 95% of everyone here is just out for themselves and don’t ever truly care to cultivate a positive nurturing environment. But I digress, So why do I feel oddly descent today? I think I feel good because of the events that have occurred…..

But maybe I’m lying to myself. and instead I feel good because of the people I met. Today I literally spent $3000 in less than 3 hours. And I don’t have anything to show for it. But as I sit here writing, what I do have is just enough emotional stability to warrior thru the night.

Was it the money I spent? Nope. In fact, I didn’t want to spend the money. But instead I feel as if I got fed and as if I fed someone else. And I truly think that is what I needed. So what happened?

Well, since my last post, I have been struggling to find inner motivation. I have been trying hard to find something that is going to get me back into “push” mode. I have also been trying to “feel” and actually ensure my body has sufficient energy.  As well as feel what my inner self is doing with my body, feel my emotions and how it is or isn’t connected from my thoughts, to my emotions, to my actions. This has been very time consuming. Trying to learn where within me the lack of push is coming from, and what things I am thinking and feeling, and doing and how it is affecting my energy. I have been even more concerned with trying to get enough sleep, and trying to truly feel relaxed.

If it is true that life is about manifestation, then it is not specifically about “pushing” myself, instead it’s about “creating” myself or how others say manifesting what I want to happen in my life. It’s about how I see the world within me. It’s about looking at the world that I have unknowingly created within my mind. Then it’s about analyzing if the world that I have created within my mind is in alignment with the world that I want outside of my mind. And one of the things I deeply want is like minded friends. Here at work I “might” get a conversation with someone that is in alignment with my life. But 99% of the time, the conversations are shallow and have no direction with the true beauty of obtaining dreams and goals. But this morning I would like to believe that the conversation I had helped me to feel fed. And my second conversation helped me to feel as if I fed someone else.

Moving The Needle

Over these last few weeks, I sadly have not moved the needle on real estate, but I have been moving the needle on cultivating inner energy. Thru sleep, I have really been trying to find the best times to sleep. And if I have not mentioned it in a prior post, I purchased a Muse S headband. If you have never heard of the the Muse S Headband, it is a thing you wear around your forehead and it is supposed to be able to watch/monitor when your mind is in different stages of brainwaves. The goal is to help you meditate and sleep. And if every thought to my life first begins in my brain then it only stands to realize that I need to understand all the stages of my brain waves and what they are like when I am in them….. This way as time moves forward, I can then see how to connect the brain waves I want that are in alignment with my future.

Muse S headband to meditate/relax I think has been helpful. Sadly I don’t feel as I am yet completely understanding how to use it, but I do notice myself trying to not “think” and I notice myself being more aware of all the thoughts that are flowing thru my mind while using it. And maybe the sleep is also allowing my body to feel recovered, and the Muse S headband is allowing my mind to relax and decompress from any built up stress. I have also been using my 3D printer more than normal. I currently find the 3D printer therapeutic since I don’t currently have a creative outlet for my mind. I could definitely go and find creative things for my mind and body….. maybe skydiving or some class where my mind gets stretched, but all of those would cost money, as in more money than I would want to spend. So for now 3D printing is my creative outlet.

About a week ago I made the decision that I was going to put my car in the body shop to get work done on it. I was hoping to have my truck ready to use, but sadly that currently is not the case. My mechanic seems to always have a “reason” for not having it ready. Hopefully something positive with my truck will soon happen. But I digress, So I decided to put my car in the body shop. It has been needing quite a bit of body work and I have been procrastinating for a long time on saving the money to get it done. However, if I never get the body work completed then I am going to have the hardest time on connecting with some people, since some of the people in my future will certainly almost all have nice cars. So fast forward several days. I had called the body shop and informed them that I was taking the car to them and they confirmed that they were ready to begin the work. So that Monday morning after driving home from work, I did my usual… I went to the grocery store and bought some food for the week, then I went home and made my meal, then I should have taken a shower, but instead I got in my car and headed towards the body shop. Along the way I said to myself that I should stop and grab some tacos. Although I wasn’t sure where to go, I just told myself to stop off somewhere along the way. I actually drove around longer than I wanted in order to find a taco place that I wanted to try. I found a taco place, can’t remember the name, but in the end it wasn’t that good and isn’t ever worth me revisiting. So after a second breakfast, I headed to the body shop. It wasn’t until I arrived that I actually realized that the body shop moved to a different location. When I went inside, it was a relatively small room. In the room was a couch and about 3 tables. And in the room was the owner and his wife and 4 other people. These 4 people all seemed pretty young and gave me the impression that they were all his children. But turns out that it was his 3 children and his son’s girlfriend. And it was there where I believe I got fed. As I gave the wife my key to the car, I happened to ask the owner about his shop. You know “curious questions”, how did you get started? What made you choose this profession? etc. And in answering my questions, he ended up telling me a 3 hour story of his life. (totally something I wasn’t expecting). He explained how he was a drug addict. And as it turns out even his wife was a drug addict. And if I remember correctly meth was their drug of choice. He went into many stories of the moments where he, as he said in his own words…..”fell from grace”. And just to be clear, to him it was God that saved him. The story of his life from drug addiction to where he is today would not have been possible for him if it wasn’t for God.

Personally I find it interesting where most humans seem to need something called God. I too am no stranger to asking for help from “God”. I remember hearing Wayne Dyer say…”If prayer is you talking to God, then intuition is God talking to you.” And for some reason I resonate with that idea. But yet I also understand that I, myself am also a God. That I create my own life and that I have power to choose my own thoughts. And that my life will end up being a direct correlation of how I “choose” to think. but again, I digress. As for this body shop owner, I believe he fed me simply because of the story of his ability to find the better version of himself. Finding the better version of ourselves can truly be quite an escapade. The road to the better version of ourselves is never easy and somehow always requires stretching and letting go of somethings in order to be able to grab onto other things. I myself, if you can’t tell am trying diligently to not only reach my millions, but to also find the better version of myself. Now…. I was fed, but how did I feed someone? Well, after the 3 hour story of the shop owner’s life, (which by the way he also sees aliens. Just saying) Remember it was a 3 hour story.

After is life story, his wife offered to give me a ride home. Which I appreciated. especially since I had just handed them $2000. And with the wife, on the drive to my house I couldn’t help but to ask her a few questions about her own journey. Remember she too was also hooked on meth. She ended up telling me that it was her older sister that turned her onto meth and that interestingly enough she was one of a set of triplets. All in all it was a pretty interesting story but how did I feed someone? Well as were just minutes away from my house, she mentioned about her son’s girlfriend and how the son’s girlfriend smokes weed and that she (the mom) ended up telling the young girl that she can smell the weed on the young girl’s clothes and how it is disrespectful. She went into details, but in the end I had mentioned how the young girl probably didn’t know it was disrespectful because for the young girl, she probably grew up with weed being normal in her house, so how can she understand the idea of weed being a sign of disrespect when to her it was all she knew. Me and the shop owners wife then got into the idea of “relationships” and I explained how relationships aren’t just connections with other people, and that instead it’s also connections with ourselves. I gave her the John Gottman example, of how deep a negative comment affects a human being. And how it takes 5 positive comments to erase just one negative comment. I eventually gave her the video link to one of John Gottmans videos. Now… will she ever watch it? Well, maybe or maybe not. But for me, it was nice to see that my words seemed to at least grab her interest. Especially the conversation about her views of her son’s girlfriend. It is so easy for us to “expect” people to understand us or understand our views or values but in reality most people are wearing their own version of rose colored glasses. And life to each human is really dependent on the EXACT color of their glasses. And it is so important for us to take off our own glasses, strip off for a moment our own views and beliefs and try to see someone from their own colored glasses. You see, the sooner that we can see someone else’s view, then the sooner it is that we can find “true” ways to connect and or change someone’s mind about a thought or idea. And hopefully I was able to help the husband’s wife see that her son’s girlfriend needed more love of communication in order to see how smelling like weed is disrespectful to her boyfriend’s family.

Overall, it could be the food that I ate that allows me to feel good/descent. Could also be sleep, or it could be the conversation with the body shop owner and his wife. I may never be sure of what the underlying factor is to my mood today. But I can say that listening and talking with them was definitely a break from the norm.

Well, it’s time for me to end today’s post.

Love,

Max.