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“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”
–Maya Angelou–

September 21/2019…. The place: The club in the ATX…. Current time: 3:41am

Max here.

This blog will have to be over several days.

It’s been a long time since I have written. Painfully A LOT has happened. Sadly though this is going to be difficult to try to remember things.

Let’s start with my mentality…. I recently purchased a few of posters to put up in my house to remind me to be motivated.

I decided to get on the keto diet for a month… But I didn’t do it in a healthy way. (Especially for my age). All I ate was meat, eggs, cheese, and water. nothing else. It was great for the first 3 weeks. But then my blood pressure severely dropped. To the point where just getting out of my chair caused me to have my heart go thru MAJOR pounding. I even somehow twisted a leg muscle because I was about to fall down going up my stairs and I forced myself to stay standing.  It’s now been about 4 to six weeks since I got off that diet. I plan to get back on it, but this time I am going to use a blood monitor to stay just within ketosis.

I also recently got a massage from a man that almost got naked… That was extremely odd and very uncomfortable. Luckily he didn’t do anything sexual to me, and luckily in spite of his lack of wanting to use clothes, he was actually very well versed in the muscles. And did a very good job of acupressure.

Then there is also my taxes… UGGHHH doing paperwork, is like eating food that you deeply dislike. I haven’t done my 2016, 2017,or 2018 taxes. and about 6 weeks ago I finally finished my 2016 taxes and so I called the IRS and they gave me 30 days to finish it, but then I got sick from my poorly arranged Keto diet. I did research and I got Pneumonia from my immune system not being up to par. Sadly my blood went into ketoacidiosis . So I called the IRS and I asked for a 10 day extension and they gave me 7 days….. Sadly I am still not finished. Although I turned in my 2017 to my CPA and I have finally begun work on my 2018.

What I will say, is that I am now not as afraid of doing paperwork. And I truly think that my 2019 taxes will be done on Quicken. I bought quicken about 3 years ago, but for some odd reason, I just could not wrap my mind around how to use it. (And I am someone that creates music with different devices and I even use software to create music, so I am not a stranger to computers) But it’s just something about numbers, and receipts, and money…. It’s like I was never taught to understand it…… And the truth is that I was NEVER taught to understand it….. Hell there was just never any money in my house growing up.

But now I am more versed in understanding how quicken organizes things… I still have many, many questions… But here in about a month I plan on having someone come to my house or remote with me online and help me with the things that I don’t understand. A lot of it is knowing where and how to categorize the receipts and also understanding all the details of how to read a bank statement and a credit card statement.

As for my bills…. I feel as if I am just barely keeping above water. I just have too many bills. Like I mean… really too many. I have a $36,000.00 solar panel loan that I got to put solar panels on my moms house, then I have a $11,000.00 motorcycle loan because my other motorcycle died at 364,000 miles. I don’t want to drive my car to Austin because my car has almost 200,000 miles on it. Then I have a almost $15,000 credit card balance, and this does not include my 2 mortgages or the money I spend on remodeling the 4 plex. It’s just getting uber expensive. And my job here in Austin weighs on me deeply. And I am not talking only about the late night hours. Which those in itself is making it difficult for me to get proper sleep. not getting proper sleep is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I must solve this issue.

Then there is my wrongful accusation that caused me to go to jail and almost put me in jail for 20 years. It took 13 years, but I can now get that expunged from my record and most importantly…. from my life!. No one likes being wrongfully accused, but because of the business that I am in, it caused me to have 13 years of unreverseable pain. But now I have finally begun the expungement process, and I can finally get other parts of my life finally moving. I thank God for allowing me to show the world that there is untapped potential in me that I can finally put forth. In about 9 months I can finally go and spend some time mentoring a young mind at the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program. That will be my first introduction in mentoring. Baby steps baby steps.

It is about time for me to end this part of the post, I’ll be back to finish it…..

I’m back…. It’s now September 28, 2019. The place is the club in the ATX. The time is1:35am

So how is Max today? Max is still feeling like I’m on a roller coaster. For example… Today when I was leaving for work, I could feel my internal being jittery, like anxious. This is not healthy. When I got to work, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Again, not healthy. But now as the night is close to being finished, I feel more relaxed.

Yesterday, I checked my mail and I received a letter from the IRS saying that I owe them money for my 2016 taxes. Obviously they decided to charge me maximum penalties for my 2016 taxes without even seeing what I am about to submit. This whole IRS thing really has me on edge. I hate owing them money, especially because I have not been trained mentally to know how to be diligent with doing my taxes. This must obviously say something about how I have allowed my relationship with money to be really fucked up. This MUST change. Oddly enough I am taking almost a full day each week to work on my taxes. After this week I will FINALLY be done with my 2018 taxes. But I MUST stay mentally on point, and I must work on my 2019 taxes. Which means that I must hire someone on thumbtack or one of those apps, and have someone teach me more about quicken. One final note about this whole tax thing… From the looks of my 2016 taxes that my CPA prepared I will owe over 5k. And that is not with all the penalties and late fees. And so if the 2016 taxes is any indication of my 2017 and 2018, then by the time all these 3 years of taxes are finally tabulated with the IRS, I could owe between 20k and 24k. And that amount worries me. It worries me because I don’t have any savings. And I am already at the edge of my debt to income ratio. I’m just not sure how I am going to get thru this part of my financial life. Just thinking about it brings back that anxiety. Really stressful. Somehow I gotta find a way to believe that this will not hurt, that it will not be painful, and that I will easily get thru this. Worrying will not help me. Please wish me luck on this. I am deeply going to need it.

My right leg still bothers me but only from the calf area. For some reason it is getting swollen. I just pray to god that I did not tear something that is restricting blood flow from my leg. I plan on seeing the massage person that I saw 2 weeks ago. He was not a massage person, but more of acupressure therapist. Which really helped my thigh. Hopefully he can fix my calf area.

How is the 4plex?…. It’s moving like a worm on a sidewalk in a rainstorm…..It’s just really slow. Luckily, today, Eddie, the guy that was first found under a bridge, finally finished the upstairs stucco of the apartments for apartment #3. And he began the digging for the landscaping of the apartments. Whats difficult about this part is that I will now need to buy cement and cinder blocks. Which isn’t too terribly expensive, but it’s the exterior lights that will cost the most money. I just really wish I had apartment #3 already rented. It would help the costs. Especially because of the taxes that I gotta pay. And from the looks of things, If I am LUCKY, apartment #3 will be ready by December. But currently I still need almost 11k just to finish apartment #3. Luckily I have already purchased 95% of the lighting for the apartment, but it’s still things like the Supplies for the bathroom, the cost of labor and the flooring that is going to cost me the most money. Flooring alone is going to cost me almost 4k with labor, and this doesn’t include making the custom cement counters. The idea is this…. Can I still finish the project even with the unknown cost of taxes from the IRS.