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If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion.

—T.D. Jakes—

Isn’t it funny how in life…. or at least for me, I truly think that everyone goes thru this emotion or emotions of feeling lost or deserted. Maybe you might call it the silent emptiness, or maybe even the unexpected pitfalls in life. And Isn’t it funny how we can stand in a crowd of people but still feel alone, or maybe even have 1000 Facebook friends but yet still feel completely lonely and unfulfilled…. And somehow, it is usually always not until we stand on the edge of life, the edge of our problems, you know…..that ledge where one more step is just too much and all it takes is just one more thought or word, or idea from someone else or something around us that somehow breaks the camels back and makes us feel that we are about to lose it all at that exact moment. And it’s in that second, that precise moment, that if we listen, that we can finally actually “feel” that there is something deeper to life than what we currently see.

Today’s date is January 03, 2019   The time is 12:52am     The place is the club in the ATX

Max here,

Well…. where to begin. I gotta say, things lately have been moving faster than I thought, and not in a comfortable way. Maybe it’s because the end of the year was happening and during the end of the year, with the holiday’s, there is always something to prepare for or buy or do. Truly, I’m not exactly sure, but the funny part is this….. I for some reason just haven’t been ready for what has been happening in my life.

And in life, we all know that at different times of our existence we tend to forget things, Especially when you initially come from a place of “lack”. Although for me personally, I rather use the word “scarcity” instead of “lack”. I find it a more encompassing word to express all tentacles that life uses to hold you back or brings you down while you are trying your best to push yourself at maximum throttle.

Lately for Max,  life has been showing me things… but oddly enough it is not showing me things about myself… well at least not in a way that I can easily see. Instead, I choose to believe that it’s God, the force, mother nature, or whatever word or phrase that suits you best to describe the unseeable energy that surrounds us…. I tend to feel that lately it has been talking to me thru the lives of certain people around me. Maybe it’s a personal awakening. But yet if this is really an awakening, then this so called awakening, is still in some form of a coma and  not yet allowing me to solve my own life issues. I can’t yet see the new puzzle pieces that are obviously being provided to me, nor can I see where puzzle pieces are missing in this section of my life. I can feel something, but I just can’t see it….. At least not yet.

Things that have occurred in my mind is how I MUST adjust my spending. And adjusting my spending has an overarching effect of how deeply impacting I can be towards my real estate and my own personal goals. Because the truth is this, I must, must, must prepare for this HUGE IRS issue, I must ratchet down all of my spending in hopes to make thru these next 6 months. And in the aspect of life, 6 months is not a long time, but it is also just enough time to make a hole in my life to create a temporary set back towards everything that I truly want to accomplish in my “Experience List”.

So what’s the issue with the IRS you may ask? Well, I…. (and thru the help of my CPA) I have agreed to a deal with the IRS about paying my back taxes, current taxes and future taxes. But this so called “deal” to me, is not really a deal. Instead it’s more like a “Let’s fuck you in the ass, so we can teach you a lesson type of deal”….. And no one likes getting fucked in the ass from people they don’t like or know.

So what’s this amazing deal that my CPA brokered for me? Well as I sat in my CPA’s office, he explained the details of this deal, and somewhere between his fifth word and $2,700.00 a month, I emotionally passed out. Seriously, I don’t know what the -F- he said for a few moments.  I literally had to snap myself back to reality and have him explain everything to at me at least  3 times. If there was ever a moment where I needed to understand that things in life never happens to you, and that instead things in life happens for you…. then this was one of those so called teaching moments.

But damn $2,700 a month… What’s my name Bill Gates?, as much as this was God’s way of  making a teaching moment for me… for so many of us and at some point in all of our lives…. hindsight is 20/20. And this event in my life was one of those moments. After about the third time… Shit, he might have even explained it 4 or even 5 times. But after enough times I was able to fully understand that for the next 5 months I am Fubar with a capital F (FUBAR = Fucked Beyond All Recognition)

The IRS stipulated, that I MUST pay all of my 2019 taxes within 5 months. (Starting this past December) Then in tandem starting in February they are going to deduct monthly payments from my bank account to put towards my back taxes, and then also in tandem with all of that good stuff…. beginning in January I must begin to make monthly estimated payments for my 2020 taxes. And that I must continually make monthly estimated tax payments until I have completed this so called “deal”. I am literally going to have to shit money like a fat man shits ice cream. How am I going to make it thru this period of my life? Truthfully I am not sure.

What I am sure about is that I must have faith. What I am sure about is that I MUST have my heart rooted in creativity. And most of all I must believe that this event in my life is not happening “to me”, but instead it is happening “for me”. Remember my goal in life is to be a millionaire so I must be able to see that this is just my own personal stepping stone to my future and my ability to understanding how to manage money.

Remember near the top of this post I had mentioned that God has been talking to me thru the lives of other people. In the last few months (and not including personal events with certain people around me) I have had people in their own way point out that my “problems” are problems that other people wish they had. For example, a man named Armando, was one of the first to tell me… Max, remember, most people don’t have a 4plex or multiple houses. Some people wish they had your problems. Then there is a friend of mine named Alex. Not to long ago, me, Alex, and my friend Kairo decided to meet up, have dinner, and talk real estate. Each of us are at different levels in our real estate career. And while I was talking about my current issue with one of my tenants and how she threatened to find a lawyer to sue me, Alex said to me… “Max, that’s a good thing that this is happening to you, it means your making money, and most people don’t have what you have”

In hind sight…. I can now see that this was God trying his best to say… “Max, don’t worry, I have your back. I will not leave you alone. This is your growth spurt. This is what will prepare you for what you told me you want in life.”

And isn’t it funny how in life we tell God things that we want certain things, but never do we tell him that we also want the EXACT details before hand of how he is going to accomplish this miraculous feat for us.

So back to my CPA and me emotionally passing out. At the end of our conversation I was able to grasp about 60% of what he was telling me. towards the end of the conversation, I knew that I was going to need to go home, and print out a calendar for the next six months and find a way to visually see what he was talking about. And so after I had my fill of tax talk and the IRS, I turned the conversation towards the CPA’s non profit organization. As it turns out the CPA also has a non profit organization. And I figured this was a great time for me to move my mind into something that I love…. Helping people. I then proceeded to ask the CPA about how his non profit generates money and all of its related aspects. I even asked how he came to the conclusion that he wanted to or needed to start a non profit….. And as fate would have it, he said that God called him. He said that it wasn’t him, that it was God talking to him that told him that he is supposed to help a pastor in South Africa.

It really is endless on the amount of surprises that life gives us. The only challenging part of these endless amount of surprises that life gives us is the fact that we don’t get to choose these unexpected surprises. But if we can look at these events with the proper lenses, then we can be able to see that ALL of these surprises are there to make our life better, Even if it doesn’t seem like it from the get go.

So do I like what I am currently having to go thru with the IRS? The answer… Hell NO!!! I know that I should love pain, but here’s the plain truth…. loving pain is an acquired taste that is not enjoyed by many. But if you can allow your mind to embrace the pain, or as my mother says… “Hug the monster” then inevitably life will be forced to bend to your will. and that’s when somehow your dreams and goals begin to manifest themselves.

And to tie things up with the beginning quote…. “If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion” Here’s what I believe, many of us are not taught to listen to our surroundings, and many of us are not taught to listen to the nuances of what our emotions are really telling us. I never ever in my life thought that real estate is something that I would turn into a career, (and even at this moment, I am not even sure if it is really a career yet —My job here at the club makes 4 fold of what my real estate makes) But my point…. In life sometimes we have to find purpose in what we do, and thru looking for purpose we unknowingly stumble upon our passions.

One of my many goals is to start a mentoring program at my old high school… And as I tell anyone that is willing to listen…..”If I can help at least one young mind from having to have such a shitty life like mine, then helping them from having such a shitty life like my childhood will allow me to feel as if I have at least tried to leave this world better than the way I found it.”  Is it a tall order for me, a poor, impoverished boy from a part of town where the zipcode almost 100% determines that you will never know the true success that you see on TV or in the movies.  And so isn’t it odd, ironic, or even funny that the same man that brokered a deal for me with the IRS is also the same man that has a non profit organization that helps families on the other side of the world. What are the chances that there are people right under my nose that have the same passions as myself.

Think of it, if I never would have gotten into real estate, would I have met this CPA with a non profit? Anyone with enough intelligence knows that life is all about “perspective”… But it’s that moment of how we choose to label that perspective when our surroundings get heavier than we think we can bare.

How will things pan out for me?  Truthfully I don’t know…. All I can do is to have faith, focus on the future, work daily at keeping my eye on the ball, find ways to stay on point with the things that fuel my passions. And if I can do this…… then each waking moment as I work towards a purpose, will inevitably always lead me to my passions.

Wish me luck,

Love,

Max.