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Ever go to bed in a bad mood only to still wake up in a non ready mood? Not necessarily bad mood per se, but, you know something about things just don’t seem to have you driven to….well, it’s like nothing at that moment can make you happy? Not even the fact that you actually survived life and live to see another beautiful day. I’m not even sure if I’m explaining myself well enough…..

So Thursday….. I went skydiving…. I wasn’t sure if I was going to jump that day since at this moment in time it’s December, it snowed a week before, the weather was warm one moment and cold the next. And to top it off I have never skydived in December. You would think that I would freeze like a Popsicle the moment I jumped out of the plane.

But yea so I went skydiving Thursday, Lucky me, I got 3 jumps in that day. Totally cool. More than expected, and to top it off… I even had someone that I never met before offer to take his time to personally coach me during my jumps. Super cool…Really super cool. This guy could have done his own thing, but instead chose to care about someone who was trying to learn. I am deeply humbled and grateful. ( Thank You God.) – Just another reason why it is uber important that I make it a point in my life to pay it forward. (this is a must!) So, this guy’s name was David. Don’t know is last name. I know he is from Dallas and has about 600 jumps under his belt. It was really cool to see someone in the sky move around me “at will” in the air. It’s also a whole new feeling to “actually” play in the air. At that moment your not worrying about whether or not your going to die. You don’t worry about your bills, you don’t worry about love, pain, heartache, strife, money, or any other thing that you can attach to worrying. Instead when in the air at that moment, all your doing is focusing on the moment. Your using every part of you and your body to soak in every sensory perception possible. Your actually doing something that very few around you are doing at that exact same moment in life……. Falling down….. And truly loving every moment of it.

Falling down and loving every moment of it…. Wow, that just hit me. That exact phrase, that’s what I should be doing when I am having a bad day. When I wake up in the morning and before bed somehow I need to realign my mind.

Lately, my personal life, my business life, and my work life have all been suffering. (At least that’s how it feels) Today on the way to work, as I pretty much always do,  I listened to about an hour of something to get my mind ready for work. And today I noticed that I have not been ratcheting down on the proper structure to ensure a great day. Somehow I must get more disciplined on myself. (But OMG, the loneliness cuts through my soul like a hot knife thru butter) I can only assume that every person trying to achieve their dreams only wants to see progress and not setbacks, wants to feel fulfillment and not loneliness, wants to feel empowerment and not despair. And for me, I have always been a creature of supposedly “needing” that security blanket. That feeling that I am not alone in what I do or achieve. I remember being very young (somewhere between 9 and 12) and going to bed and deeply wondering what happens to me after I die. What is death and Where did I come from? Where was I before I was born? What becomes of me after death? What about my my mom? Why must she die? What about my life? Everything that I see? This whole big world called life that I have yet to see? Where will I go? Why must I leave? It all just made me start to hurt. It made me cry. Definitely not a good thing to do before bed, that’s for sure. —- As you can tell I can ask a lot of those types of questions. Even at this moment my body lightly tingled as I typed those questions. Guess I’m not yet cemented as I should be about myself and life…… But then again maybe, just maybe its like what I heard David Goggins say today in one of the videos…..To paraphrase…. As a Navy Seal, when your about to open a door, hopefully to surprise your target, but yet, never knowing what’s on the other side of that door. It could be booby trapped with explosives, maybe on the other side of the door is an A.K.47 pointed at your face, maybe your eminent death is just on the other side of that door. And so Fear…. true fear hits you, it wakes you and stands toe to toe with you…… that door, will you live or will you die? Are you going to open it or turn away? and what David says is the complete truth…….It’s not the absence of fear when creating your life, designing your day, attacking a challenge, or even opening that damn door, or even just like me, down right just trying to get out of bed……  It’s not the absence of fear that I should be looking for or hoping or even wishing for,  but instead it’s pushing through the hardest moments of fear that makes a person realize how truly resilient they are.

You see, I am now starting, just now starting to be ok with failing. The fear of failing…. No longer phases me the way it used to. If someone says, but Max, your gonna fail,…. In my mind, I say…. “Cool, let me show you that I am eventually going to come out shining on the other end”. So the “fear of failing” is slowly now subsiding. It has taken me this long to get the understanding that “failing” is not bad. It has taken me this long to start understanding and I mean truly “understanding” that failing happens. It’s normal, it’s a factor of life. Do I want it to be a major factor, or even be a factor that happens often?  Fuck NO! Do I try to fail? No! Maybe I should try to fail (I’ll definitely keep that notion in mind and possibly throw it in another posting) But currently I am almost OK with failing……. But holy fuck!!! At this point, I can only fail, get hit in the face, be told NO, have progress be denied or halted to a dead standstill, be lied to, or be pushed back for so long, before it takes a toll on my….. Well truthfully at this moment I am not sure what it is really affecting, but damn, it just wipes me out, it wipes my determination, it zaps my energy,  it slams my ability to believe in myself and my dreams, it keeps me from wanting to try. Or at-least keeps me from jumping out of bed to attack the day. So I know failing is OK, but it’s probably my threshold limit. Some how I have got to set it higher. I have got to be “OK” but not content with standing still and still punching and missing. I must mentally find a way to set the threshold higher. I know this  sounds repetitive, but its repetition that sets the habit, it’s repetition that helps to reinforce the self talk, the inner belief.

I must set my threshold higher. I must not worry that time is ticking away. I must re-visualize “falling down and loving every minute of it” so that I can structure every facet of my challenges in this mental mindset. FALLING DOWN AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

There’s an old saying, “How you do anything is how you do everything”…… Well I would now say, “How you view anything is how you view everything” And so I must start viewing things better. -Falling down and loving every minute of it- I can also say that I have not been keeping up with my gratitude journal, which could be a part of the chink in my armor that is allowing something to creep in and kidnap and siphon my inner power. (Side Note: This gratitude journal just might be more important than I first thought). I’m sure that everyone’s armor should be denser in different places to ensure that their weakest points are extra fortified to ensure their own personal success and I am sure that no one person’s armor is going to be exactly as another persons. And so for me, it’s time to start taking notes of where I need to strengthen up, then double down.

Falling down and loving every minute of it.

Max.