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“You are one idea away from what you saw in your dreams, in your prophecies that God spoke over your life. You are one idea away. You are not waiting on God. God is waiting on you.”

===–T.D. Jakes–===

One idea…. Just one idea. I think the hardest part of life is the ability to actually have one idea…. To have one idea that continually builds upon another idea. So many of us can easily come up with one idea, but can you train your mind to continually have “one idea” that builds upon a previous idea that truly helps you to obtain and or move closer to your goals and dreams. To me it’s those so called inconsequential moments between that “one idea” that kills us the most. Because between every one idea is that pause, that moment, that empty space, that pause where there is no idea, no spark, and creativity and motivation seems almost impossible and instead there is either fatigue, or as some might call that moment of being dazed and or a pain of feeling lost or empty, and or unfulfilled.

Life is somehow comical in that way.

Max

Date: Thursday, September 22, 2022

Time: 11:38 pm

Location: The club in the ATX

Song playing as I begin this post: When Summer Dies by Deadmau5 & Lights

Whats up world….. Max here with more info about the internal privacy of my trials and tribulations as I fumble my way to riches.

This post will probably be a long one and chalked full of bits and pieces from my last post.

Things that have been playing front and center on my mind….(In no particular order)

1. Love
2. The corner property project
3. The 12 plex
4. Transportation
5. Work
6. Health

Funny for me…. As I write this post, It seems as if my life is currently coming down to 6 simple things. But in reality, if it were really that simple, would any of it require any time or this much effort?

Let’s dive into my life…. I am one of about 7 billion people on this planet, and as I tackle the thing on this list (Love) I have done quite a bit of research and reading on the subject and moreover why do I need it and where does it come. It turns out that much of our so called “problems” in life really and truly stem from our childhood.  Have you ever wondered why your name is not Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk, have you ever wondered why you work so hard at a job that you don’t like or truly want? Have you ever wondered why so many times you fail to notice that there is a beautiful sunset or the rainbow after the rain? Have you ever wondered why your life isn’t better than what you can imagine in your mind?

If you have ever felt this, then don’t worry…. So have I, and now after all this time, I finally got some answers…. but sadly the answers still don’t solve the equation of my mind and heart. As things turn out, the reason, that I need love is because of something ingrained in humans. something called “significance”. It seems that every human on this planet needs a few things…. beyond food and shelter, we all need a certain amount of significance and self belief…. and sadly when you come from bleak poverty (like me) significance and self belief always gets trumped by that simple thing called “survival”. Turns out that my mom, as a single parent, was doing everything possible just to keep a roof over our head, that she didn’t have enough energy left to give me the love that “i” personally needed. And more so, she also wasn’t fully able to give me the truest self belief that I needed. And worse, the MOST important years of a child is from birth until about 7 years of age. During those years is when a human mind develops a program for him/herself for the remainder of its life….

Can we change that programming? The quick and fast answer is YES!  But the truth behind that Yes, is that is that it is one of the hardest things to do in life.

Now this “programming” that happens to us as child, is just something that is done for the human species to survive…. Notice I said the word “survive” and not “THRIVE”. I always wondered why so many people from the hood (people in poverty) at least here in America, have so much crime, mental health problems, body health problems, in other words, I always wondered why people in poverty unknowingly choose to live a life of poverty, and the answer is simple…. It’s what they were programmed to do. In other words…. It’s all they know.. And to give a great visual…. How can you learn to fly a plane if no one ever teaches you? Without a way to know “how” to live a different life, your life will always remain the same. Here’s an example of something that I have seen more times than I ever want to see in my life. The example is this, many poor people will spend hundreds of dollars to buy expensive shoes, but never once will they use that same money to buy stock in the very product that they like or support. In other words poor people buy liabilities while rich people buy assets. Turns out that poor people are so focused on just trying to survive that they have almost (noticed I said “almost”) no energy left to do or achieve anything else. and what’s that anything else? Well, its called reprogramming. It’s the actual undoing and then rewiring of all that was taught to you as a child. It’s literally like trying to unlearn how to tie your shoes. Most people can never unlearn how to tie their shoes.

Enough Ranting about how I got programmed as a child…. We’ll save that for another post. Lets jump into todays thoughts….

In my last post I wrote about how my life was feeling a lot like one long buffer day. Whelps, luckily now that has changed, it luckily no longer feels like one long buffer day, instead now life is feeling like a “restructuring” time in my life. Since my last post, the biggest change for me was actually no physical change at at all, instead rather the change has been more of a mental change.

The woman I love decided to stay with me for a couple of months. It’s something that I always wanted, and as much as I really loved this moment in my life, it sadly was also a deeply painful moment for me. Prior to her staying with me, I have done, some of what I have mentioned earlier in this post, I spent time reading about relationships and I was able to come across a man named John Gottman, He is a psychologist and he is very well respected in the field of relationships (as in couples and marriages). He came up with the idea of the “4 horsemen for relationships” (It’s 4 signs in a relationship that can tell whether or not you and your partner will stay together)  John Gottman has literally studied over 30,000 couples and followed them throughout their relationship for over 30 years. He’s become so well respected that he even has something called the “Gottman Institute”

So prior to the woman I love staying with me, I did a small deep dive into the workings of Gottman and all the ideas of what actually makes a relationship last. Like what are things that great relationships do to ensure that they make it thru any storm. And a couple of things that are always worth remembering is that ALL relationships never solve all of their problems. In fact, there are certain things that all relationships will always disagree or argue about, but instead of trying to “fix” the problem, they instead work on repairing the “situation”. and secondly, whenever you say something negative to your partner, it will literally take a minimum of 5 positive things said to your partner just to outweigh the one negative thing that you said to him or her.

These two things might sound simple, but in reality, actually “remembering” to think about the other person’s feelings during a disagreement can be challenging. And the people with the best relationships learn to practice to think about the other person during a disagreement.

So for me, as I mentioned I loved having her stay with me, but it was also super painful at the same time. I wish I could say it was bittersweet, but in reality it was just both beautiful and extremely painful and yet also a very deep learning lesson for me. Though I truly loved spending time with her, she sadly was not ready for me, and that for me was painful. And the deep learning lesson is how I applied all that I have read in the books such that even at the end, I was still able to walk away showing that regardless of things that happened between us, that I still love. And more so, it comes back around to that saying that I have mentioned in previous posts….. and the thought is this….. Always leave someone better than you found them. If you can do this, to always leave someone better than you found them, then at some point in your own life, you will eventually leave yourself better than you found yourself.

So yea, she was part of my life for the past 2 almost 3 months. Beyond me having the words that picture the truest way to express my feelings on that situation, I will say that I also found myself not really caring about things at the 4plex or with other aspects of real estate. And truth be told, the best that I can get from this hindsight thinking is that it goes back to a deeper craving that I have from life.

You see, I work with many beautiful women on a very regular basis. At any given moment here at the club, I will have on my roster at minimum of 30 girls and up to about 65 or 70 women. And of those 65 to 70 women, about 75% of them will be beautiful enough to knock the socks off of almost any man. And as much as I may have at my disposal a myriad of beautiful women to choose from, I have learned a long time ago to not spend much energy trying to fish where you work. And after years of repeating the same unsuccessful process, I have learned that for the average human, most of us don’t really have growth mindsets, and most of us are not really hungry or driven enough to be willing to outgrow the current mindset of our current thinking that is currently holding us back from all our goals and dreams.

For example…. you wanna lose weight….. just stop eating so much… just that simple. LOL but most people can’t even do something that simple.

And so if that average human has a difficult time finding the drive needed to make true change in their life, then just know that most people in this type of club industry where I work are so void of drive for internal growth, that all they can see is money. Which don’t get me wrong the whole idea of this blog is all about my journey to money, but as you dig into the pages of my life and read about my journey to money, you begin to see that it has so little to actually do with money and almost everything to do with learning, changing, adapting, and the ability to peel away everything that I was taught about money and my current belief about life, and being able to change how I actually “think” about almost everything in life….. This includes love, and most importantly love for myself.

So over the years I have learned that even though I work with what some men might say are women that look like goddesses, for me, my version of a goddess is someone that I can not only find physically attractive, but at the same time be mesmerized by the internal drive that she has for wanting a better life. And one thing that I must mention is that it’s vitally important, when I use the words “better life”, that I am also meaning that I am able to see her have a growth mindset. Otherwise, will we really be going in the same direction?

so yea, Love….. it’s a doozy, it’s chained me mentally, it’s both beautiful and painful. And I have come out of it more understanding, more knowledgeable in actually how to give love, about how to have a lasting relationship, and most of all, I am better at understanding what a relationship takes to be successful,  And yes, painfully, after all that, I still feel empty, which is why this week I called Klarisana and scheduled a ketamine session. I MUST not let myself ever fall into depression again. And as of late, with the woman I love gone from the house, I can once again feel how empty and silent that damn house is again. And I truly wish that I could say that I enjoy a quiet home. But in reality I am human. I like heartbeat. I like having a home that has life to it. A home should have some silence, but it should also have some noise and ruckus. And now once again my home (albeit that the house is still in the construction phase) sadly the home is as quiet as a morgue. And for me hearing the silence literally just rips me up from the inside. I sadly hate that constant silence with a passion. One day my house will be alive. Promise to myself.

From my last post I also mentioned that I needed new clothes. and if you are curious about Max. I am a pretty simple guy. I do very well with just jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of sneakers and a backpack. As of recently I decided to add a messenger bag to my attire. but yes, my last post I mentioned how badly I needed some new jeans and new T-shirts, and since that last post I was able to finally put some money to the side and then get out to the store and buy me a few pairs of jeans and a few shirts. All that’s left is to buy a new pair of Vans. I don’t own a lot of shoes, but I am pretty consistent with wearing about two main pairs of shoes. I have a pair of faded black Nike sneakers that I almost religiously wear (mainly because they are a faded black and as much as I ride the motorcycle and do so many other things that easily get my shoes dirty, its hard to make those shoes look any worse. And beyond the black Nikes I also own a pair of white checkered Vans. I have had these for a while (maybe a year or two, or 3) But I am constantly having to clean them and wash them to keep them looking white. And now the shoes themselves are starting to fall apart from all the usage and cleanings. So soon I will have to put some money in that direction. But as for the clothes part of my life, I am blessed that I have now been able to get some usable jeans and t-shirts

Next on the list of things happening is the corner property with Richard.  Things seem to be moving along steadily now. On my last post, things were about to get ready to pour the concrete slab, and since then, the concrete has been poured and cured and the framing of the home has begun. The framers are almost completed with all of the framing and inspection for the framing will happen early next week and then they will begin to OSB/plywood the exterior of the framing.

Recently I was with Richard at the corner property, and him and I were discussing the project as well as various other factors of life and I will say that humans do have an innate need to be cautious. My goal with that corner project is two fold… If I am lucky I will be able to make some “reasonable” money out of this project/deal with Richard, but more than that the overarching goal is to learn from Richard. As in learn how things in the construction business are done, and gain a few contacts. And recently Richard and I were speaking about the project and also my laziness for not yet building the 12 apartments, and in the conversation he was very careful to express his caution with me connecting with his contacts. Richard is wanting to be very protective of who he knows. Which seems to say multiple things. But beyond that, as for the project itself, I was l talking to Richard about the housing market, and he mentioned about mortgage rates now at 6%. During my conversation I mentioned to Richard that I haven’t looked at what’s happening in the housing market lately, but that from my perspective, I felt and still feel that these houses (of our project) won’t get sold until February or March of next year. At the time of this writing Richard also has a home that he has built. It’s a nice “traditional” two story home that is just a stones throw from the project that him and I are doing. His two story home as been on the market for what is almost 3 months or longer. And by my calculations, that home also wont get sold until the early part of next year, which means that Rich will have to pivot. He may have to Airbnb that home, and or lease it out. But if he leases or Airbnb’s the home, then that comes with consequences because now he will not have an actual “brand new home”. Instead it will be a new home, but it is very possible that he will have to go back into it and fix minor dents and scratches to bring the house back up to “brand new status” Which in the end just means more money needed to sell the home, which in turn cuts right into his profits, and not to mention, for Rich his whole goal is to build a home, then sell it ASAP so that he can then have capital to build more homes. And anytime that a home has to sit, ends up causing him to have to reassess what he should be doing.

So after my conversation with Rich about the housing market, I decided to go home and do a quick search of the mortgage rates. and as of last week, mortgage rates are now at 6.39% which has not been that high in almost 10 years. and worse just a day later after reading the 6.39% I saw that the federal government is preparing to raise interest rates about a quarter to three quarters of one percent. Which just means that America is preparing to step into a phase where people will not be making as many large purchases as before. And did I mention that the holidays are just around the corner. So what does this all mean? Well, remember I am in a business at my job where the people that come to the club are people that are using “expendable” money. And I can see that when I drive to work from San Antonio to Austin, that there are currently still many people on the road. And for me, when I see a lot of people on the road, that tells me that Americans are still feeling ok about money. But yet with the news of mortgage rates and the news of the upcoming rate hike and the upcoming holidays, I am very curious to see how the housing market will play out for these next 5 months. I personally feel that people will not be buying houses anytime soon. And that is why I look forward to February or March of next year, That to me is when people will get the income tax and feel more open giving what’s in their wallets.

Other things from my last post was me wanting to meet with my professional organizer and the guy that I have as financial advisor. And sadly I have not yet met with them, and to be honest the reason I have not met with them is because I have just not gotten myself prepared to meet them. Now I could easily blame the young woman I love for causing me to not be prepared, but in reality, the reason I have not been prepared is because for some reason I still have my head up my ass. I must become so super laser focused on getting my goals….. But you know… just a thought of something as I write these words…. What I am trying to do?…. to build a business and yet at the same time, try to find love? Can they both be done at the same time? They both require a large amount of time and energy and both also require money. And with only 24 hours in a day. Can all of it be accomplished at the same time? Or am I trying to do a tug of war with my efforts to try and have both love and financial freedom and am I ultimately losing more than I am gaining? And please keep in mind, this also doesn’t include my work here at the club nor the time needed for my health.

Which speaking of health, I have now been microneedling my scalp, and I have noticed that microneedling my scalp is actually beneficial to me not going bald as quickly. I have also microneedled my face, about 3 times, but I am not yet convinced that microneedling my face is as beneficial as I expected. I will give it until the middle of next year before I make a complete decision on microneedling my face. As for other areas of my health, as far as eating is concerned, I have been doing roughly one meal a day and I have still been fasting on Saturday and Sunday with my only form of liquids is coffee with MCT oil, ground cinnamon, nutmeg, and cocoa powder, vanilla extract and sometimes butter. I do roughly about 12 to 16 ounces per day while fasting. And now as of last week, I decided to try and do a 72 hour fast. and with great surprise I was able to turn it into an almost 83 hour fast. Now I’m not sure how often someone should do that type of fast but, I’ve decided that today I am going to try and do it again this week. My decision for doing it is two fold. On one end, I want to ensure that I, when needed can easily have the mindset to replicate and cleanse my body when needed. And secondly, last night I went to my second Meet-up. And for anyone that does not know what a Meet-up is, it is an app on the phone, and it is a list of events where people get together for different reasons. This particular event is called “Thinkers and Drinkers” It is a group of people that gather and eat and drink and talk about a specific  topic. The topic is predetermined the the organizer of the event. So I went to this weeks event and ate and drank way more than I wanted. The event was held at a pizza restaurant. I ate almost two whole pizzas and I drank way too many shots of alcohol, to the point where the next morning I just didn’t feel good and laid in bed for about 6 hours longer than I normally lay in bed. And remember I already am not as productive as I should be, so for me to not feel good from drinking that I needed to lay in bed just says that I am definitely not being as healthy with my body as I should be, so with that in mind, I made the decision today to try another 72 hour fast.

And as for drinking and eating too much during the meet-up. I am also rethinking why and how I decided to drink so much alcohol on that day. As in what factors caused me to drink that much and why I felt that I needed to do that. And after some thought, I told myself that I think in the near future that I am going to visit an alcoholics anonymous. I enjoy drinking and don’t see myself ever not drinking. In my younger years I spent almost a decade with many days drinking way more alcohol than any person needs to drink, and since then I have dramatically cut back and lowered the amount of alcohol that I intake. Now there is a caveat, during my deep depression, I again was drinking every night after work. And so, and I don’t know why, but I am now rethinking, the reason for drinking. Do I enjoy drinking? the answer is a resounding YES! But do I need to drink to the point of not feeling good the next day? The answer…. Hell No. Do I want to go on dates with the woman I love and drink and have fun? The answer… Hell fuck YES. However, not drink to the point where her and I are in any way impaired from being our best the next morning. so yea, I’m thinking that I might be visiting an AA meeting sometime in the near future. Now I’m not sure how that’s gonna play out, but I do know this for sure, the underlying format of AA meetings, aka the “12 steps” for those in AA are also a great blueprint for accomplishing any goals in life. And so to me, I deeply want to accomplish my goals, and maybe, just maybe there is something that I can learn from it.

Then there is the on going issue with transportation. That shit is like one big, huge, long never ending ordeal. My piece of shit car, is sadly still a piece of shit. It’s the one that needed another used engine, then there is my truck, sadly my truck is still not ready to drive. And my truck… well its almost 20 years old and has had a major makeover years ago. But sadly I was never able to finish the makeover of my truck so it sat in someones backyard for almost 15 years. And now I have it at the mechanic’s shop and trying to get it up and running. Many people have told me that my truck is just a money pit and sadly they are correct. But again, it’s not about what other people say, instead many times it’s about what I believe. And for me, I am going to get that truck looking and running like I always wanted it. So when it comes to transportation. Fuck, it’s just a nonstop ongoing onslaught of me throwing money at it. It’s been almost a year since my truck and small car have been going to the shop, and as of this coming week, I should finally be able to “try” and drive my truck. And even though I might be able to drive it, I will still have to take it back to the shop to get the transmission done, and all the interior dash and seats redone, and later there still needs body work and also it will need new rims and tires…. In other words… money pit! And as for my small car, well, the body kit I put on it 10 years ago is falling apart so it will be going into the shop soon to get a new body kit on it. Fingers crossed.

Now rounding out this post will be the 4plex. That god damn apartment #2 is still not completed, and the guy who is supposed to be finishing it for me has once again, decided to not answer my calls and has also left work unfinished. Work that I already paid to be completed. And needless to say that is extremely frustrating. So this week I will be meeting with Cesar, Cesar is the one who connected me with my current handy man. The goal with meeting with Cesar is to see if he knows of another handyman and secondly Cesar also frames houses, and so I need to stay in touch with Cesar, because when the time comes that I need a framer he “might” be someone that either will help me on the project or know of someone else that I can use on the project. Along with the fact that Cesar knows a lot of subcontractors in the construction side of real estate.

But as for apartment #2…. Damn thing is still not complete. The apartment is really close to completion, and needs my electrician to go out there and remember my electrician is a semi retired electrician and having him be on time is not only challenging, but just getting him out to the jobsite is sometimes a miracle on its own. I recently spoke to my electrician and told him that I just need him to finish these last two projects at the 4plex and then I won’t be blowing up his phone anymore. I expressed to him that I can see that he is trying to phase this type of work out of his life, but that these last two projects are on the tail end of being finished and that I want him to finish it.  Then there is the issue with the water meters. They are “basically” installed. In the end I just didn’t’ like the way I asked the plumber to run the water pipes, and so I kept calling the plumber and he too kept ignoring my damn calls. He kept ignoring my calls to the point where I ended up having to go to his house. I will be asking the plumber to move the water pipes one more time, and as for the water meters themselves, the electrician can’t finish connecting them because he needs two fuses. FML!  He said he went to Home Depot to try and pick them up and it turns out that the Home Depot near my 4plex doesn’t have them. So in other words, he couldn’t finish the damn project. FUCK!

So as for the 4plex, the whole damn thing has pretty much come to a standstill. Really frustrating. But again, it is only my fault. Because I have probably been putting more effort into trying to work on the relationship with the woman I love, rather than being obsessed with trying to get that 4plex finished. But now that I once again, go home to a desolate home and an empty bed, I have no excuses to not try and find people to finish those last two apartments of the 4plex. The only thing now and that has ALWAYS been keeping me from getting things done at the 4plex is me.

This next week I will definitely be blowing up peoples phones to see who and what can be done to move things forward on finishing those two apartments.

One final note… on finishing those two apartments, I WILL need my welder to come out and work on one of the gates at the apartments. And at the same time, I am still wanting a balcony at my house… but the big question that always pokes at me… How do I get it all completed at the same time? UGH!

I will leave you with one last quote that I once heard….. May this quote be something that you, yourself could use and remember when you want something but don’t know how to do it, or feel as if you have your hands tied….

“We have done so much, with so little, for so long, that we are now qualified to do almost anything with nothing.”

===–Unknown–===

Wish me luck.

Until next time.

Much luv,

Max.