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Max here, and today is probably going to be a rant from hell.  Today is Thursday January 31 2019. It’s about 9:07 pm and I just sat down at Starbucks.

Today IS supposed to be my “me” day. And instead today was “Let’s fuck Max in the ass day!” How many bad moments can I have today. As if one isn’t enough. My sister texted me this morning and asked what I was going to do today since today is supposed to be a day that is meant for me and me only. But instead today was a day meant to have a whoop ass on my real estate emotions. Today at 9:30 am I went to court to fight an appeal that a tenant made. She did not pay her rent on time in December so I moved to evict her. She did not leave when I evicted her, so I took her to court. It took 3 weeks to set that court date. And when we finally went to court it was January 2nd which means that she was now late for January’s rent. In the end the judge awarded me the judgement and told her that she had 5 days to leave the property or to file for an appeal. She filed for an appeal. and So it took almost 14 day’s for me to get the paperwork from the courthouse. After that time I had to make personal time to go down to the courthouse just to get a court date. Which personally, that makes no sense. If I didn’t file the appeal then why the fuck would I NEED to be the one to file the paperwork just to get a court date. WHATEVER!!!!!!!

It then took about a week for the court date. Which was today. And when I went to court, I lost. I lost because I had never been through that before and I didn’t know what I was supposed to ask or say or do. But in my mind…. What the fuck should I say. The bitch didn’t pay rent on time. There just isn’t that much to say. If you don’t pay rent on time then I have the right to evict you. That’s Texas law. This means that my tenant did not have to pay for 2 months worth of rent and still gets to stay in the apartment. I am fucking livid!!!!!!!! This is how people get heart attacks. Bullshit like this. Built up anger from being wronged and not being able to do anything about it. And the tenant still gets to stay there.

So after court I called a lawyer. I used him several years ago in an eviction case. This is my 2nd eviction. His fee was $1000 not including court costs. All of this in my first eviction was for a tenant that owed $350.00 Needless to say I lost my ass! God Damit I am fucking pissed. Paying for a lawyer and to still lose money.And now I have this tenant that does not have to pay for 2 months worth of rent and still gets to stay there. So…. I called this lawyer that I used before and after talking to him, I learned that I can’t do anything about that judgement and that I now have to wait until she is late with rent again. Which will be in 4 days. And if she is late on rent then I can move to start the process all over again, from the beginning. God Damnit that pisses me the fuck off.  I can’t express how upset I am from having to lose 2 months of rent from a “bad” tenant and still MUST allow the tenant to stay in the apartment. And worst, I just feel in me, that this month, she is going to pay rent on time. I will consider it God’s way of just making sure to kick me in the face one more time.

Obviously I am supposed to learn something from this event, but right now I am so pissed that all I can learn is that I am angry from losing. I am angry from being FORCED to allow someone to live in my apartment against my own wishes. It’s my apartment damnit. I pay the mortgage on that damn thing. And this tenant has not paid rent. And because of this anger, I have allowed my whole day to be turned to shit. It has literally been 12 hours since I stepped in that court room this morning and NONE of my feelings have subsided. And now, if the tenant does not pay rent on time, I have decided to hire the lawyer to do the whole process for me. This will probably cost me almost $3000. And this does not include the money I already lost, nor does it include my time, This whole process took almost 2 months, which means that it will be a full 4 month process FUCK!!!!But God damnit, I want my apartment back and I am tired of losing.

Speaking of losing….. that god damn apartment #1….. It is now the end of January and I still don’t have it fucking finished!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK! Damnit, I can’t express how that is just another kick in the fucking face. And so what’s going on at the apartment, almost not a god damn thing except more fucking problems and more delays!  So last week my enigma was cleaning the master bathroom to have it finished and rent ready, and what happens….. He tells me that the shower is leaking, and not a slow leak. FUCK!!!!!! This means that either I need to spend several hours fucking with it, or I need to find a plumber. And how much is a plumber going to cost???? TOO DAMN MUCH, that’s how fucking much!!!! So sometime on Tuesday or Wednesday, I called some plumbers on Craigslist and got a couple of quotes. The average was between $75 to $200 to fix the leak, assuming that only the shower cartridge needed to get replaced. So I had a plumber come out yesterday and do the job. He charged me $170 to replace the cartridge and also fix a leaking toilet flap. Since then, my guy John came out and did a small amount of work on the outside cement. And the inside is literally 99% done. And FUCK I have been saying that FOREVER. that is is 99% done. And so last week I had my enigma start cleaning the place from top to bottom, dusting things down, wiping things down and anything else that needs touching up. The biggest issue is dusting everything from blinds, ceiling fans, baseboards, bathrooms etc. And then the second biggest thing is the floors. the floors are laminate wood floors, their fucking BRAND NEW and now they look hazy. And I have never lived in a house with this type of flooring so I have no idea how this shit is supposed to be cleaned. And to make matters worse, last year when I was doing the cement  counters, I ruined all of the new flooring in the kitchen and dining room because I poured the cement counters in the house and also sanded them in the house. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE!!!!! So I ended up having to spend almost $2000 just to have the kitchen and dining room floor replaced.

And now that I am in the cleaning stage, the final stage before pictures are to be taken for rent ready look. I saw that one of the laminate planks in one of the bedrooms is chipped. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! Are you fucking serious???? More fucking work? Now that damn floor is going to have to come up for a 3rd fucking time. That is just extremely fucking irritating. Which means another 2 weeks before it will be done. I have been giving myself deadlines to have this apartment done for over 3 fucking years, and I have missed every god damn deadline I set, What fucking good is it to set a deadline only to not have it done. I am fucking tired of lying to myself and hoping on myself. I am tired not having money to hire people that can get the job done in the time period that I really want. It’s a fucking money and time game. The more money I have then the more time I can put towards the damn project.

Then there is the fucking water bill for this 4plex. Remember I have been working on this fucking apartment for over 3 years and during those 3 years have have also had problems from electricity….. The amount of money I have spent on electricians, lights and all other bullshit to try and finish the electricity has been in the thousands…. literally at least 20 thousand. And as of last week, I spent another $500 on lights for the master bath. As I near the end of this project I am finally able to look at things in a way that put my camera glasses on and look at things from the prospective of what looks good for prospective tenants. And as I was looking at the master bath, I could tell that it just didn’t pop. It just looked dull and unimpressive. Now this is not a fancy bathroom. It is a seriously small bath. It is probably a 5ftX5ft bathroom. Literally just big enough for a tub, a really small sink, a toilet and enough room to stand in front of the toilet. It’s a really small master bath. But still, I needed that bath to look attractive, so to me it needed ambiance, it needed lights. And so I had to have my electrician add 4 new lights to the bathroom. Again, that is just more money and more time.

Then the water bill, as I mentioned earlier, I have been on this project for 1 year shy of half a decade…..FUCK!!!!!!!  And last year, I had a different guy working on it and during that time, there was probably a month when it sat without any work being done to it. And without me knowing, during that month, one of the toilets kept running. It turns out that the toilet flap was stuck in the up position. Now how did I find this out? Well, I found out when I opened the water bill  and saw a bill for $1500.00. I swear I fucking flipped apeshit! $1500. Who the fuck uses $1500 worth of water? What the fuck? Is there a water park at my 4plex? I was so pissed. In the end the water company took off about $100 off of the bill. That water bill really fucking hurt. and now fast forward to December. I get water bill for $1000.000 Man was I fucking pissed. Except that this time, I was mentally almost ready for it. You see, I went to the apartment in November and noticed that the master bath toilet was running. WTF!!!!! I shut the damn thing off at the wall. In my head I told myself that I refuse from my workers using a toilet and later not pay attention as to whether or not it is running. So this month I paid $500 on the water and told them that I would pay another $500 next month.

Now add this to the fact that I still must go to a job in Austin to make the money that is paying for everything. And do I want my job in Austin????? I want the money, I want the money, I want the money. I can’t say it any clearer than that. So tomorrow I must go to a job to deal with people and issues that are not where I want my future to be. But I must go there and “enjoy” that job because my tenant did not have to pay for 2 months of rent, I must do that job because I do not yet know how to hire people that can get the job done in a time frame that helps me to move faster, I must do that job because, I do not know how to live my life well enough to know what the fuck I am doing. I have not yet figured out how to manage my time, I have not yet figured out how to manage my money, I have not yet figured out how to manage my people, I have not yet figured out how to finish my properties, I have not yet figured out how to set realistic deadlines about getting my properties done.

What I will say is this….. If God is listening…….Fuck you! Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you for my life. Fuck you for me not yet being smart enough. Fuck you for me not having a better mentality, fuck you for asking me to come to this earth and play this fucking role in life.

I just can’t see why I (my soul) would ever go to God and say, “God please, let me hurt, let me be lonely, let me be sad, let me go thru so many trials and tribulations only to finally look in the mirror all these years later and see an old man with grey and still having to fight to get out of the poor side of town. To have to fight to hope that one day he will once again have friends again, that one day he will once again have someone in his life. That he will one day wake up into his dreams that are supposed to be his reality. This life currently sucks.

If Jim Rohn says that it rains on everyone, and that everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day,  then somehow I am stuck in a really bad storm and have my 2 feet stuck in a hole and need to find a way out. And then I need to find a way to run and catch up to my dreams. Because right now, it’s raining and raining bad. Jim always says that after the rain is sunshine. But the question is….. how long do I have to endure this rain? How long to have to stand chained to this stake in the ground while this down pour occurs?

I’m not giving up, but damn, my knees they hurt, the blood it drips from them, mentally falling down, and emotionally bleeding…… I just don’t know how to find the strength.

Help me lord,

Max.

As I promised myself……. my gratitude journal and my small wins………….

Gratitude for today.

1.  My dog Abigail and my mom….. I love you, Thank you. When I think about both of you, you are my oxygen.  I love you.
2. My sister…… You are amazing. Thank you for being in my life. Thousands of miles away, but hearing from you means the world to me. I told you earlier that I had a bad day and didn’t want to text, so you don’t know about my day, but you are deeply important to me.
3. This blog….. Sometimes this is all you have as a friend. Your own mind, your own thoughts.
4. My Starbucks coffee. Personally I don’t like Starbucks, but it’s the only coffee house open this late and it has free WiFi.
5. That as of this exact moment I still have a job to go to tomorrow.

Small wins.

1. I wrote in my blog.
2. I am mentally knocked down, but my soul does not want to give up. I currently cannot get up, but my soul is somehow still able to cry for help.
3. I paid a couple of bills today.

God I still feel like I hate my life, but what can I say, I am at your feet.

Max.